<<print either("arsenic","polonium","cyanide","hemlock","nightshade","basilisk venom","meta-cyanide","hebenon","iocaine","the strangler","smilex","tears of Lys","ice-9","lithium","lead","mercury","antifreeze","DRAINO","bleach","moonshine","botulinum","botox","ethanol","a very small and extremely deadly jellyfish","self-doubt","foul intent")>>

You say this, but you are too genre savvy to believe for a second that this is anything but [[murder|WIGNHH poisoned]].

<<if $perp is 0>><<set $perp to either("Buddy 'Gills' Gillian","Roberta Bates","Sam 'Old Knees' Carmichael","Brock Chang","Albert Forsythe")>><<endif>>\nThe squints emerge from their trance. They look dazed, and slightly nauseous, but you're getting impatient.\n[[You crave JUSTICE]].\n\n"...And? Who is it? Where do they live?"\n\nOnce again, they speak in unison.\n"<<print $perp>> is Damned.\nTheir driver's license betrays them.\nTheir social security number betrays them.\nTheir criminal record betrays them.\nTheir social body betrays them.\n...They live on <<print either("Willow","Oak","Elm","Locust")>> street, just past the intersection with <<print either("1st","3rd","7th","10th")>> avenue."\n\nYou know where they live.\nThere is no escape.\n[[Justice must be served.]]

The squints look irritated, but relent.\n\n"The bandana was tied so tight, it trapped all the blood in his head, which exploded."\n\nYou frown. This doesn't seem physically possible.\nThe squints interrupt your thought.\n\n"I know what you're thinking:\n'This doesn't seem physically possible.'\nBut this is what the bones tell us.\nTrust the bones."\n\n[[You decide to trust the bones.]]

Violence surrounds you like a foul miasma.\nEveryone can smell it, but is too afraid to ask you to wear deodorant.\n\nThis is what makes you <<print either("hardboiled","masculine","rugged","strong","good at what you do")>>.\n[[You revel in their fear.|Cut to opening theme.]]

A strange disclaimer appears before the show starts.\n\n"This show is gross.\nThe ways it is gross are similar to the ways that CSI is gross.\nSo, violence and dead bodies. There's some gross imagery too."\n\n[[You turn it off.]]\n[[You decide to watch it anyway.|You are name]]\n\n

...\n...\n...\nIt looks like the victim's head exploded.\n\n"We gotta get this to the lab. See what [[the squints]] have to say about it."\n\nThe Sargeant nods, then gestures to some nearby rookies. "Get this body bagged, we need to take it to the squints. And make sure you get all the blood."\n\nYou take a drag on your cigarette. [[Fade to black.]]

<<display either("Strangled","Poisoned","Stabbed")>>

[[The gun goes off.]]

No hard feelings. I'm sorry this wasn't for you.\n\nHave a nice day!

<<print $perp>> was killed. You are not the killer.\nYou just held the gun.\n\nJustice protects you like a shield, a mask.\nYou are [[insulated]].\n\nYou take a drag on your cigarette. [[Fade to black.|credits]]

<<if $name is 0>><<set $name to either("McCormick","Steel","Winters","Temperence","Briggs","McCannon")>><<endif>>You are <<print $name>>, a <<print either("rogue cop","hardboiled detective","hardy gumshoe","masculine idealization")>> <<print either("who lives life on the edge","with nothing to lose","who never stops and never backs down","who walks the line between justice and vengeance")>>.\n\nYou get a call from the station. [[Another week, another body]].\n\n[[Take a long drag on your cigarette.|Hardboiled]]\n[[Grab your coat and head out the door.|The Crime Scene]]

<<if ($squeamish neq 1)>><<set $squeamish to 1>>The thought disgusts you momentarily. You've gained the status modifier SQUEAMISH.\n\nConstitution (CON) - <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nEmpathy (EMP) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n\n[[You shake it off.|Another week, another body]]\n<<else>>The thought disgusts you momentarily. [[You shake it off.|Another week, another body]]<<endif>>

"[[How do we even know this is a murder?]]"\n\nThe Sergeant hands you a wallet.\n"A missing person's report was filed for this person weeks ago.\nSome identifying articles were found nearby:\na watch, a ring, a <<print either("hat","pair of sunglasses","earring")>>."\n\nYou examine the [[goop]].

"The victim was poisoned."\n\n"With what?"\n\n"With everything."\n\n"Everything?"\n\n"[[EVERYTHING.]]"

<<set $perp to 0>><<set $feelnothing to 0>><<set $noanswer to 0>><<set $worth to 0>><<set $nastypiece to 0>>[[Watch the one with the strangling.|Strangled]]\n[[Watch the one with the stabbing.|Stabbed]]\n[[Watch the one with the poisoning.|Poisoned]]

The city never sleeps, and it chews people up like [[meat bubblegum]]. It's been chewing on you for a while. Maybe if you're tough enough it'll spit you out.\n\nBut did it really have to be [[today]]?

<<if ($masculine neq 1)>><<set $masculine to 1>>You are comforted by your conformity to masculine norms. You've gained the status modifier VIRILE.\n\nPrivilege (PRV) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nEmpathy (EMP) - <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n\n[[You grunt appreciatively.|The Crime Scene]]\n<<else>>You continue to be comforted by your conformity to masculine norms.\n\n[[You grunt appreciatively.|The Crime Scene]]<<endif>>

"It's some kind of sick game."\nThe Sergeant shakes his head sadly.\n\nYou examine the [[game]].

The Sergeant has [[no answer]]. You examine the [[body|strangled body]].

Crime Scene Divination

The Sergeant leads you through <<print either("the decrepit apartment building","the abandoned warehouse","the dark alleyway")>>.\nA <<print either("man","woman")>> is pinned to the wall with strangely colored plastic stakes.\n\nAnd pinned across their stomach...\n\n[["What in god's name happened here?"|WIGNHH stabbed]]

The Sergeant leads you through <<print either("the decrepit apartment building","the abandoned warehouse","the dark alleyway")>>.\nA <<print either("man","woman")>> is lying face down on the ground before you.\n\nWell, not quite face down, as they no longer have a face.\n\n[["What in god's name happened here?"|WIGNHH strangled]]

A <<print either("frigate","aircraft carrier","cruiser","trireme","quinquereme","schooner","submarine")>>.\n\n[[Obviously.|game]]

<<print either("The last day before your retirement.","The anniversary of your mother's death.","Your birthday.","Monday.","Christmas.","Your day off.")>>\n\n[[Goddammit.|You are name]]

Justice is clean.\n\nThe squints wouldn't find any portents here.\nThere is not a single mark of [[foul intent]].

You feel lost in a world that no longer makes any sense to you.<<if $worth neq 1>><<set $worth to 1>>\n\nYou gain the status modifier Disillusioned.\n\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nSelf-Esteem (SES) - <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nAlienation (ALN) + <<print either("1","2","3")>><<endif>>\n\nYou try desperately to find meaning in a [[meaningless universe|goop]].

You feel nothing.<<if $feelnothing neq 1>><<set $feelnothing to 1>>\n\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nEmpathy (EMP) - <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n<<endif>>\n[[You are a vessel of justice.|foul intent]]

The scene transition disorients you momentarily. You're now in the Crime Lab.\nThe body is laid out with great care on the table, as is tradition.\n\nThe squints are looking at the body, speaking in tongues.\n"sternum occipital hemorrhage\nlesion diastolic cerebrovascular\nischemia cranial coagulant"\n\nThey seem to expect you to understand what they've said.\n\n"[[Give it to me in english.]]"

You don't know what to make of this.\nYou weren't [[trained for this]].\n\n"Just call in the goddamn squints.\nI've got nothing to do here."\n\n[[Cut to opening theme.]]

You arrive on the scene in your <<print either("Mustang","Thunderbird","Corvette","Ferrari","fancy car")>>, a crucial element of your [[performance of masculinity]].\n\nSargeant <<print either("Johnson","Williams","O'Malley")>> greets you as you duck under the yellow tape. "It's a goddamn mess, <<print $name>>. Your rookie friend nearly lost his lunch."\n\n[[Take a look.]]

Justice, vengeance, violence.\nThree sides of the same three-sided coin.\n[[You can't tell the difference between them.|the truth is revealed]]

Written by Dana Lindsay\nDirected by a Societal Script for Acceptable Violence\nInspired by Bones, Fringe, Numb3rs, CSI, and many more\n\nWith special thanks to Cermet, Charlette, and Alex\n\n...\n\nAfter the credits, it goes back to [[episode select]].

The victim's body is riddled with red and white plastic pins.\nIt's [[a nasty piece of work]].\n\nAcross the victim's chest is a plastic [[warship of some kind]].\nBut you are oblivious to its significance.\n\n[[The squints will know.]]

The bullet is driven from the gun.\nIt passes through the body.\nIt doesn't ricochet off bone.\nThere is no [[blood splatter]].

"<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n<<display Poisons>>\n\n...[[Everything.|You decide to trust the bones.]]"

The squints discern portents in bone, entrails, blood, semen, hair.\nThese portents come from Justice, the only true god.\n\nThe squints are less virile than you, less masculine, less violent. You don't respect them. [[You need them.|Too tight.]]

The squints are all chanting, but not in unison.\n\n"Bisphenyl hemorrhage trajectory pulmonary\n\narterial thoracic vertebrae contusion\n\nrespiration palpitation curation elation\n\nablation masturbation menstruation animation\n\nsphenoid thyroid schizoid megazoid..."\n\nYou can't stay awake through this. [[You drift off to sleep.]]

The Sergeant leads you through <<print either("the decrepit apartment building","the abandoned warehouse","the dark alleyway")>>.\nThe victim is nowhere to be seen.\n\nBut the floor is covered in a disgusting mixture of fluids.\n\n[["What in god's name happened here?"|WIGNHH poisoned]]

You've gained the status modifier HARDBOILED.\n\nRuggedness (RGD) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nToughness (TGH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nEmpathy (EMP) - <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n\n[[Get a move on.|The Crime Scene]]

Smash cut to extreme forensic analysis. Guitar squeal.\nThe squints are examining all the evidence.\n\nThe victim has been broken up into its [[constituent elements]].\nThe plastic pins have been traced to [[their source]].\nThe blood has been put under a microscope, smelled, tasted.\n\n[[The ritual of truth is about to begin.]]

[[Shoot the perp.]]

There is no answer. The void beckons.\n<<if $noanswer neq 1>>\n<<set $noanswer to 1>>Nihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n<<endif>>\n[[We must construct our own values.|WIGNHH strangled]]

When the opening credits end, you're in the lab.\n\nThe squints are performing what has to be witchcraft.\n\nThere are bubbling cauldrons of flesh.\nThere are reconsituted body parts.\nThere are... is that a [[homunculus]]?\n\nYou stare at the squints expectantly, and with no small amount of [[implied threat]].\n\nThey [[get the hint]].

The squints discern portents in bone, entrails, blood, semen, hair.\nThese portents come from Justice, the only true god.\n\nThe squints are less virile than you, less masculine, less violent. You don't respect them. [[You need them.|smash cut]]

The victim lies prone in a pool of blood.\nThe head is nowhere to be seen.\nAround what remains of the neck is a bandana, tied tight.\n\n[[Too tight.]]

Mostly carbon. Nothing is learned from this.\n[[It was a silly idea.|smash cut]]

You blink, and it disappears.\nYou haven't slept in weeks, it was probably a hallucination.\n\n[[The squints give each other knowing looks.|Cut to opening theme.]]

A plastic pin manufacturer in Austin, Texas.\n[[Seems on the level.|smash cut]]

Your dreams are violent, as always.\nYou're tearing out someone's internal organs, but there's no mess.\nYou're placing them neatly on a tray.\n\nYou're throttling someone,\nbut you can tell that you won't leave prints.\n\nYou're shooting someone, but your bullets are invisible.\nThey can't be traced to your gun.\n\nA squint manages to wake you up,\nand you refrain from reflexively killing them.\n\n[[The squints are ready to divine the truth.|You decide to trust the bones.]]

Dana Lindsay

The colorful plastic causes dark memories of your childhood to surface.\n<<if $nastypiece neq 1>><<set $nastypiece to 1>>You gain the status condition Tragic Past.\n\nNihilism (NIH) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nNostalgia (NST) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\nSelf-Absorption (SAB) + <<print either("1","2","3")>>\n<<endif>>\n[[You snap out of it.|game]]

"So what can you tell me about the bastard who did this?"\n\nThe squints answer your question, speaking in turns.\n"Betrayed by their hair\nBetrayed by their blood\nBetrayed by their seed\nBetrayed by their skin\nBetrayed by their spit\nTheir body betrays them\nand [[the truth is revealed]]."